What was I doing here? What was the meaning of this trip? Was I just roaming around in a drug frenzy of some kind? Or had I really come out here to Las Vegas to work on a story? Who are these people, these faces? Where do they come from?
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
I came to Las Vegas to work in the desert. I did not care for city life, meaning casinos, bars, and events. I felt that it was an added bonus and I would have much to explore if I made friends. I had already done the tourist things and felt that I wanted a “local” experience. I had a goal of hiking and climbing all over red rocks and building a connection to the conservation area. I had set my mind on improving my crew leading skills while bringing more Latino/a/x representation to the conservation world. That didn’t happen. I didn’t accomplish exactly what I hoped for myself. Instead, I spent many days working and recreating at Red Rock but I did not climb as much as I originally wanted. I connected to the Mojave in my own way- digging in its dirt, walking on its rock, and getting pricked by its thorns. I grew as a leader during my time here but I did not lead and support a crew of latinx folks like I wanted to lead. In place of Latinx folks, I lead and befriended a few Vegas locals. I am grateful for their friendships and their trust in me. Along the way, I learned more about myself specifically what I want.
I once heard from a friend that your twenties are a time to find out what you don’t want. It’s the time to try new things and say, “No, I tried it and I found that it wasn’t for me.” or “I did it and now I know that I do not like that”. To an extent that is true. I have lived in four different US states and have experienced an unusual life in the desert since leaving North Carolina. I have slept in a tent more often than on a bed in the last two years and one month (who’s counting tho?). The spicy southwest sun has aged my skin and my muscles have grown and been twisted up by the manual labor in the deserts I have lived/worked in. I found that I don’t like working inside all the time, I don’t like working alone, I don’t like staying still, I don’t like cities with little green spaces, I don’t like conforming to how people saw me or the way I felt I needed to be.
Now that I have a larger list of what I don’t want, I found what I do want. It took me a while to get here. To me, that is a sign of maturity. I’m taking bigger steps and I am skipping over situations that have hurt me before. I’m still in my twenties and have more to go before thirty, but after these six months in Las Vegas, I feel that I want a new adventure. Not the adventure that my younger self wanted. I can see something now and say I know what that can be like or how that could feel and no, I don’t want that again.
I want _____
still trying to get that solidified.
Enough of that bull shit.
This shot was taken last month at Red Rock. I was hiking to turtlehead peak one morning and I passed by the sandstone quarry and saw a block of rock. I got real close to it and I took a photo. I could see skin on the rock. I could see the folds and the imperfections found on a body. Something so hard looked so soft.
I have been bringing out only my kit lens on hikes because fuck the extra weight and I do not like changing lenses so often. It’s decent and I like it. Why change it if it checks those boxes?
Spell #6 has been on repeat a lot for me. I think I gravitate to this song because I find traces of it in Igor and in Five Easy Hot Dogs. The sweet harmony that the guitars make with the vocals in the background makes me stop and think about the present. What is happening right now.
The small licks on the bass snuck in there blend so well.
the sharp piano keys being struck in the bridge remind me how something so small can make such an impact on an idea or feeling.
David Loca’s deeper voice sprinkles words of love that resonate with me
These feelings I must share
Reflections long to be
This spell I cannot break
You’re in my heart
I’m in love, can’t you see?
Just something to think about
Oooo also here is an article about Fear and loathing in las vegas from a local perspective. The movie is dope. Didn’t read the book but would love a copy. The story is fun but not necessarily my favorite. Thought it would be cool to place the quote in there.
El canto de mis fotos 